The hairy eyeball

For a while now I've been making good use of the "eyes in the back of my head" scenario. It's an oldie but a goodie. Alex is quite convinced of its veracity, largely because I have used tricks such as turning my back to him and reporting on his actions by watching his reflection in our glass doors. When he wants me to close my eyes he now instructs me to close my front eyes and my back eyes. It's worked a treat.

Like any lie, it is in danger of coming unstuck due to the complicated web of clauses and sub-clauses I have employed. For instance, my back eyes can't open while I'm driving, because it's too distracting for my front eyes - which is how I got around the "look at me mum"..."I can't I'm driving"..."use your back eyes!" Also, dads don't have back eyes, only front ones (which, ahem, even then don't always seem to work). So Alex played along and 'stole' my back eyes to give them to dad.

Because of the pretend 'back eye stealing' I started to suspect that the technique was starting to lose its sheen, then recently it came into its own again, however I had to employ slightly new logic. I was riding my bike home from a friend's place with the kids in the trailer. I heard a kerfuffle but couldn't turn around and it died down soon enough so I didn't stop the bike. When we got home, though, on taking Maya out of the trailer I noticed two big bite marks on her arm. Normally Alex is not a biter but recently Maya has been testing out her chompers so I'm sure he was doing the whole get-you-at-your-own-game thing. No excuse, obviously, and he had to be confronted. Surprisingly, instead of using the 'she did it first' line of defence, he went straight for the completely implausible 'it wasn't me'.

Me: "OK who was it?"

Alex: "It was Maya."

Me: "You're trying to tell me Maya bit herself on a part of her arm she would not even be able to reach?"

Alex: (butter wouldn't melt): "Yes."

Me (changing tack): "Well I know it was you because I saw it with my back eyes."

Alex: "But you had your helmet on!"

Me: "Well they moved down a bit to just above my neck because of the helmet." (I indicated the spot).

Alex: "..." (hangs head, busted).

Me (in my mind): Check mate.

Me: (out loud): "Well now we've established that it was you, you need to apologise to Maya."

Alex: "Sorry Maya."

Luckily he didn't think to challenge the ruling using the precedent of 'no back eyes working while driving' because technically we were on a bike, but I'm not sure how I would have finagled that one. Considering he's only 3 I can't wait when he's old enough to really argue the point...! I have no idea where he gets it from.

Will the real Green Goglin please stand up?

Alex has been becoming a bit obsessed with Spiderman lately. At first I resisted, but as with anything Alex develops a passion for, trying to stop him is akin to stopping a freight train.

He pulled on his yellow goggles the other day and announced, "Look mum, it's the Green Goglin!" I feigned a frightened shriek and pranced around the back yard as he gave chase.

I must have been too good an actor as seconds later he became concerned, and, removing the goggles, said, "It's ok mum, look who it is, it's just me, Alex!"

Phew. For a second there...

The important things in life

When Alex gets quiet, I know he is usually sick. This was the case yesterday (what also tipped me off was the projectile vomit).

I knew he was better today (albeit tired) because he was whining about every little thing. Case in point: I left the room to go into the next room and Alex let out a scream that would pierce every eardrum in the block. Running after me, he shrieked, "Don't ever leave little boys alone!" When I told him it's a small house, and I'm always within earshot, and he is quite safe, he responded with, "Well there's a texta out there with the lid off and it's going to DRY OUT if you don't come back in,. QUICKLY!" And we're back.

An observant boy

"Mum, why are there so many beige houses in this street?"

A private matter

Sometimes Alex likes to test out new words he has recently heard, to ensure he understands them correctly and has them in the right context. He's been asking me whether I'm 'concentrating' on things a lot and also enquiring as to whether I am finding some task or another 'frustrating'.

I think he may have missed the mark just a little yesterday when, after I settled him and Maya into the bath, he informed me, "Mum, Maya and I would like some privacy." I explained that although I would dearly love to be able to accommodate, common sense prevents me from leaving two small children to their own devices in the bath.

He got it right today though when he told me he needed to do a poo but could I please not come in as he wanted some privacy. And, shutting the door behind me, that's exactly what he got.*

* Until, of course, minutes later when the "I'm finissssshed" call-to-wipe came echoing through the house.