Tuesday, June 23, 2009

This is not a chicken

Maybe Alex will be a surrealist painter, or maybe he's just got a taste for the absurd.

We were reading Maya her bedtime story, which consists of images of animals with the word for the animal underneath.

"Chickens, Maya, chickens," Alex said helpfully, however he was pointing to a duck. Maya nodded. "bla-gurh", she agreed.

"They're ducklings, sweetheart," I said, adding "but they do look like chickens!" to soften the blow.

Alex flashed me a 'not-to-be-outdone' look. We turned the page to a horse and a pig.

"Look, Maya, chickens!" Alex continued. I laughed and said, "Pig. Piggy. Oink oink." and "horse. Neeeiggghhh."

Maya, following her usual read-along babble, pointed to the pig and said "oo-ga" (or words to that effect.)

We turned the page. An owl and a tiger. "Chickens!" Alex exclaimed, pointing to one and then the other, "Chickens!"

He carried on this way for the rest of the book, until we came to the last animal, which was an actual... you guessed it... chicken. I paused, expecting him to come up with some other name for the chicken. He looked at me with a bemused smile."What's this one?" I asked.

Alex threw his hands up in the air. "Mum, how do you not know that's a CHICKEN!?"

He stroked Maya's head and told her soothingly, "Chicken, Maya, it's a chicken."

Monday, June 22, 2009

The 3 year old version of reincarnation

Lying in bed before he goes to sleep seems to be where Alex does most of his thinking about the Big Ideas Of Life.

Alex: "Mum, who's your mum?"

Me: "Nanna's my mum."

Alex: "Who's Dad's mum?"

Me: "Ouma is Dad's mum."

Alex: "Who's your grandma?"

Me: "Well I used to have a nanna but she died."

Alex (thinks for a while): "Does that mean some one squashed her?" (thinks some more) "was she really old?"

Me: "No one squashed her but yes, she was really old."

Alex: "What happens to people when they die?"

Me: "They go to meet God and we can't see them any more."

Alex (pleased with himself for coming up with this thought): "Do they get really old, then go up in a rocketship past the clouds to see God? Then, maybe they can be borned again when they get really little like a baby!"

Friday, June 19, 2009

Special delivery # 2

About an hour after the "How did Maya get out" conversation, Alex looks up at me and asks, "Mum, what happens if you don't like Maya any more and she's already out?"

He's clearly been thinking of this one for a while, as Maya is now 12 months old, and at the time of her birth (when Alex was just 2 years and 2 months old), the first thing he said when Chris brought him to the hospital to meet her was, "OK mummy, is the doctor going to put her back in your tummy?" After all the build-up, perhaps he was expecting more?

Special delivery

Alex: "Mum, what happened when I was born?"

Me:"You came out of my tummy."

Alex: "Mum, what happened when Maya was born?"

Me: "She came out of my tummy."

Alex: "Was it at the hospital?"

Me: "Yes."

Alex: "Did the doctor get her out?"

Me: "Yes."

Alex: "Why didn't you know how to get her out yourself? Was Daddy there? Did he help?" (I'm not joking, this all came straight from his brain)...

Me (thinking desperately for an appropriate analogy) : "Well I kind of knew, I just needed some help, like when you go to the toilet, or put trousers on, you know how to, but you need some help..."

Alex (thinks for a while):"...But Mum, it was really Daddy that took her out wasn't it?"

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Elevator etiquette

I stepped into a lift with Alex walking and Maya in the pram. An elderly lady in a wheelchair was wheeled in by a younger lady.

The older lady, who was sitting facing Maya, grabbed Maya's legs shook them about (none too gently but Maya didn't seem bothered), making coochie-coo noises. Alex put up his hand in protest, fingers spread wide, and issued a loud, "STOP! Babies are for stroking, gently, not for grabbing!"

Suitably chastised, the old lady dropped Maya's legs like a hot potato!

Road rage

I was pushing the kids along the footpath in the double pram when we had to slow down behind an elderly man who was struggling along in front of us.

"Mummy, he's not letting us go past!" came Alex's indignant shriek.

"It's ok, we will in a minute," I stage whispered. On getting nowhere with me, Alex turned his attention to the gentleman, and in an exact mimic of his dad's exasperated in-traffic exclamation, let loose with, "Oh COME ON, dude!"

Even without his hearing aid turned up the 'dude' had to have heard that. I'm just glad Chris keeps his language G-rated when encountering frustrating traffic scenarios!

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Just thought I'd add that I've had a fun evening remembering all the hilarious things Alex has done and said recently, and recounting them here. BUT, I won't be adding this many posts at once on a regular basis! Just one or two every few days. Depending on how hilarious he is, and how many of his witticisms I can recall.

Stealing's in the genes

Alex is a fussy eater. Cheese sandwiches and bananas is where it's at. Turns out, though, that he could devour an entire box of Jatz, no problem.

We were at a friend's place and Alex spied a box of aforementioned salty crackers, and for some reason, became convinced that there was only one box of Jatz in the world, and they were ours. Couldn't conceive of the notion that ours were exactly the same, but were at home, and this box, didn't belong to us. I had to prise them out of his determined little fingers amid howls of protest.

We were leaving when I spied a suspicious looking red and white box poking out of the bottom of Maya's pram. I looked at Alex, who looked suitably sheepish, before imploring, "I took them for YOU, mummy!"

Playground conversation

Alex met a kid at a shopping centre play area. The kid must have been around 4. They got to talking. I eavesdropped. The conversation went like this:

Alex: Are you my friend?
Kid: not yet.
Alex: What do you have at your home?
Kid: Toys, lots of toys.
Alex: Do you have Lightening McQueen?
Kid: yes.
Alex: The real toy or the movie?
Kid: both
Alex:Let's get out of here, this place is annoying.

At which point I had to block the exit lest they make a break for it in search of the kid's toy nirvana.

Change purse

Alex has decided that he is saving up to buy his very own, "huge Herbie, just like the Love Bug." He has this thing where he has to stop and hug every VW Beetle, or Mini Cooper, that we see parked on the street ("because they're really cute little guys"). So lately he started noticing me using my change purse to pay for some things, and my wallet (with notes in it) to pay for others. He got this idea that because more coins are used than notes, they must be worth more.

When I was given a new change purse for my birthday, the idea of him having his own change purse became one worth pursuing (for him). So we gave him one that we had lying around, and since then he's been surreptitiously pocketing any spare change he can get his hands on, as well as asking to intercept change I'm given at the checkout ("Can I have the change this time mum? For my Herbie?"). I haven't got the heart to tell him he's going to have to save a looooot of coins...

Teddies for sale

Tonight Alex couldn't go to sleep as he'd had a big nap during the day, so Daddy agreed to let him lie on the couch (but only if he was quiet) until he felt sleepy... well nothing ever goes exactly as agreed with Alex, he always has to negotiate/finagle a bit extra out of the deal.

First, he went back to his room to get three teddies ("just blue bear, Baxter and pink bear") to lie on the couch with. Then, holding them all in one arm, he showed me his empty arm and said plaintively, "What am I supposed to do with this arm when there are no bears there?" and, promising to be "so, so quiet" so as not to wake baby sister, he snuck back in to get two more bears.

Upon seeing Alex with an armful of stuffed toys, Daddy asked, "can I have one?" to which Alex replied, "sure. That'll be $15".

Cafe culture

One of the first funny things I remember Alex doing at about 18 months old was naming cafes "Cup of tea shops". He had seen us have our tea out of similar cups as are used in cafes, and logically, put two and two together, pointing out a "cup of tea shop" wherever he could.

The next (again, logical) step was to shuffle out of bed in the morning, pop his head up at the end of our bed and greet us with, "cup of tea?" Children are nothing if not mimics.

"Cup of tea?" soon progressed to staying in bed and shouting "Dadda! Toast!" as his behaviour turned from endearing to demanding (but still endearing, coming from a not-even-2-year-old!)

A Grand Tradition

Without wanting to toot my own horn, apparently I was known to say a few funny things as a child. Because there were no blogs back then and no one kept a journal, the oral tradition is all we've been left with. Subsequently, the two funny things I've said that have stuck are:

1. When I was about 20 months old, my (cloth) nappy was folded incorrectly and was making me uncomfortable, so I told my mother indignantly, "Mummy, you put knuckles in my nappy!"

2. When I was about 6 or 7, we were driving through the city and went past a brightly lit doorway with a big sign in pink lettering: PEEP SHOW. Apparently I begged my mum for ages to let us go in and have a look, and she was laughing too hard to think about how to explain to me that it really wasn't age-appropriate...

Gotta love plaigarism...

In a shameless act of plaigarism, I have decided to copy the funniest blog I've seen in a while - called my kid is funny -and, since that name is taken, I've called mine - wait for it - My kid is too funny (kind of a play on words with, My kid is funny too (or 2)... geddit?). The premise for the original blog was a mummy who decided to record her 4-year-old's gems for posterity, and for any one else who wanted to see how funny a 4-year-old can be. I personally don't think all four-year-olds are comic geniuses, but this one is. I was laughing at every post, and also nodding in recognition as some of my own little comic genius' one-liners came into my head.

So - if you think my kid might be funny too - enjoy. (Apparently the author of the original blog is a journalist, as I almost-was, so surely a little plaigarism won't come between us - besides, I've only stolen the concept, all the catchphrases have come straight out of Alex's mouth, I promise!)